What to Write in an Online Memorial or Tribute

Writing about someone after they die can feel like too much pressure. You want to do them justice, but a whole life won't fit into a few paragraphs. The good news is that it doesn't have to. The most meaningful tributes are usually specific and small.

You don't need to summarize a whole life

A full biography is useful for an obituary, but a tribute can be narrower. It can be about one quality, one habit, one day, or one relationship. Specificity is what makes it feel real.

Instead of "She was kind," try: "She always made an extra sandwich in case someone showed up hungry."

Instead of "He loved gardening," try: "He talked to his tomato plants, and somehow it worked."

Prompts to get started

If you don't know where to begin, answer one of these:

• What is the first thing you think of when you remember them?
• What did they do that no one else did quite the same way?
• What did they care about more than most people?
• What did they sound like, smell like, or feel like in a room?
• What is something they taught you without trying?
• When did you feel most loved by them?

One honest answer is enough to start.

Examples of small, specific memories

These kinds of details help other people remember too:

• "Every Sunday he made pancakes and burned the first one on purpose."
• "She kept a candy dish full of things nobody liked but everyone took."
• "He could fix anything with duct tape and patience."
• "She hummed the same songs while washing dishes."

You are writing for the people who knew them, and for the people who never will. Both audiences need detail.

A note on tone

There is no correct tone. Some tributes are funny. Some are formal. Some are raw. The right tone is the one that matches the person and your relationship with them.

• It's okay to mention flaws if they were part of what made them real.
• It's okay to be sad, grateful, angry, or relieved.
• It's okay to keep it short.

Avoid trying to sound like someone else. Your voice is enough.

Invite others to add their memories

One person can't hold every side of a life. If the memorial allows it, invite family and friends to add their own photos, stories, or comments. A group of small memories often adds up to a truer picture than one long essay.

You might say: "If you have a memory of [name] you'd like to share, please add it here. We'd love to read it."

Start before you feel ready

You don't need the perfect opening line. Start with the fact that feels easiest to write, even if it's just a sentence. You can always come back and add more later.